“Second place goes to..(drumroll)..Brandee” (and the crowd goes wild)
“Awwww….You chose me second? YES!!! Thank you!”
You read that right. I want you to choose me second. I do not desire to be your first priority or your first thought or your main focus.
*I am using “you” for anyone that I am in any type of relationship with or any future launch of a “ship”.
First choice, first thought, first priority, main focus…that’s you!
Oh man, I just heard a large collective push back….”who wants friendships, partnerships, 'ships with someone focused primarily on themselves?!” Hold up…. I am not suggesting to ONLY think of yourself, or live in such a way that you think of no one else at all. Nor am I allowing myself to be disrespected or treated as a convenience. What I am sharing is that I do not want to be responsible for anyone losing themselves to 'ship with me. I am not going to loose my Self for another either. I want to be your co-pilot, “shotgun infinity”…but I want you to choose you first. Allow me to be me and let’s make “IN”formed choices based on our truths.
I have sailed the “ships” where I was under the belief that I was to be first in the hearts of my shipmates. For me, it led to lack and loss. I was under the false understanding that if I was dating someone and we loved each other we would put the other first, above all else. I was basically told, heard, read or watched on TV that If a man loves you, he will put you first and do anything for you. Who else has been served this at the table of life? (I feel compelled to share that my mother did NOT feed me any of this..I just didn’t listen to her wisdom when I was younger and thought I knew everything..UGH).
In my romantic experiences, each time I was not put first I felt hurt, lesser, not worthy. This fed the competition in me as well. Now I would try even harder to get the attention, be seen, be heard. I became jealous and insecure, wondering why I was not the “first” I was conditioned to believe I was to be. I was told by one former partner, now friend (a healthier one of my younger partnerships) that they felt guilty at times for doing what they wanted without me being included. And if it wasn’t guilt it was frustration and feeling suffocated by my reactions to their actions. The underlying reasons ultimately led back to "first" expectations. So here we were in the ship feeling guilty, unworthy, not enough, not trusted, abandoned and frustrated. Exactly what one always hopes for, right? Of course not.
I have learned the difficult lesson of not losing my SELF while navigating all of my ships. Over the past several years I have been dosed universal medicine in the forms of trust, courage, non-attachment, discernment, healthy confidence, remembering, surrendering, purpose and self-love, to list a few.
As P!nk says “Once you figure out what respect tastes like, it tastes better than attention.”
Self-respect and the respect from my shipmates sure does flow in a way like no other. More so than the attention seeking, need for outside validation journey.
I fully accept that at times being second may require me to be on hold while you search your soul. You will need your space to grow and I don’t want to be the invasive plant choking your expansion. I want you to be empowered by YOU! Choose your happiness. Inspire yourself as this will inspire others (including me). I trust you. Trust that I will stoke the flames of the fire that YOU spark. I will do all of the same for my Self.