I’ve been playing hide and seek for far too long with my heart and my voice. Suffering in silence as I stifled my truths. Breathing but not receiving the breath. Allowing every outside force to dictate my design. Expending energy seeking to find what I knew was already present. Knowing all of the hiding spaces but refusing to look there.
1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4….
Come out, Come out, Wherever you are!
The search began and I could hear my entire being playing the game over time…getting warrrrrmer, warmer, cold, colder, freeeeeeezing…warm again, hot, hot, you’re on fire!!!
Finally exclaiming “FOUND YOU!” as I laid eyes on the me that had been hidden for so long!
Then I hear the words….”Your turn to be it!” BE IT! BE. IT.
Could I embolden myself, trust myself, be everything my SELF is?
Once I came out of hiding, I quickly learned the answer was a beautiful, yes.
Stepping out of the shadows inside of my being and feeling my own love was a warmth I had longed for. A pure light that kissed my cheek and my heart. The games of hide and seek are now only played as a way to explore deeper. A way to bring forward more and more of my essence. A game of learning and playing and expanding rather than hiding in fear and dimming my light for the sake of others.
Bubble Gum, Bubble Gum in a Dish..(How Many Pieces Do you Wish)
I began to speak, write, create and open my heart fully. I quickly began to release the need for others to validate my existence. Manifesting with ease as I trusted deeply and felt gratitude for everything. Yes, every little and big and dark and light and joyous and painful thing. The little wasp that entered my house; Thank you for being here (now please take your rightful place outdoors). The offer of a job; Thank you for the trust in my skills. The aching in my heart as old wounds occasionally open; Thank you for the opportunity to grow. All of the emotions that come and go throughout existence; Thank you for strengthening my ability to heal and love myself even more. To those that cross paths with mine, thank you for the gift of hearts meeting and talking and sharing medicine. This beautiful pattern now takes its place igniting my kundalini and allowing old patterns to disintegrate. I step in and allow my purpose to fully take hold. The fire is felt. Abundance is present. Love is here, always.
1,2,3 Not it!
This fast paced, decision making game once meant to decide who was “it” in a game of tag, is now played in my heart space to quickly decipher if “it” is a yes or a no. What is in alignment is a solid YES! The opposite is, you guessed it, a solid No Way! As I was crossing the bridge (mentioned in a past blog) I would practice the “no” more and more. I am constantly creating the healthy boundaries that allow me to embody love and joy. For me it looks like an energetic, pale blue, iridescent bubble. I have learned that is completely possible to remain open hearted and vulnerable while only granting entry to who or what makes my soul dance, my heart skip a beat, my entire being tingle. I learned not to make exceptions and to be open to whatever is presented to me. I find myself in vibration with people I would not likely have connected with if I remained in control (or attempted control), closed off or still hiding. If I am not immediately certain I explore the offering like a curious child. No fear, open heart. Another form of hide and seek. I listen to my womb, my gut and my heart and I respond respectfully to myself and all involved. My words always rooted in love no matter a yes or a no. Grateful for the gift if it is present for a second or 100 years. I bow in gratitude, morning and night.
Engine, Engine No. 9
The fire is indeed lit and the flames need not be a bonfire. A proper fire is not one of show or awe but of consistent warmth for days to come. Providing a service, burning with purpose. If I am to skip with a song in my heart and dance in the rain, with the sun and under the moon, I want to do this with a playful, open heart full of passion and purpose. These childhood games I played are remembered by reaching in and extending a hand to my inner child. Helping her back to her feet again, rub a little dirt on the minor setback or kiss the booboo and run off until the street lights come on. I return to my inner home each night to rest up and awaken ready to play again. I stoke my flames as I digest intelligently. My engine is my body, my mind, my heart, my energetic field, my celestial self. All of me.
And here we are now….
One Potato, Two Potato, Three Potato, Four
I now begin the journey of feeding. Learning to feed my self with high vibrational nutrition. This is not limited to the foods I take in but also the music, the words, the practices, the media, my surroundings, my tribe, my movements, my work. A fire has needs in order to maintain it’s warmth and nourish those around it. Much like I have needs in order to expand in love, hold my light, flow and remain true to my soul’s purpose and support others on their path. The breath I now receive has a divine purpose. The step I take and the step after that move me on purpose. The language I use supports my purpose. The love I give and remain open to receive is the purpose.
To be continued…always